Light, Candle, Action!

My Solomon's paradox to get me out of a rut.

I saw myself slipping into a familiar pattern. Hiding under my bed covers, avoiding the day ahead. When the sweet oblivion of sleep wouldn't take me back, I’d reach for my phone, anything to fend off the looming shadow of productivity. I know this dread of waking up and facing the day is a hallmark of my depression and I needed to break out of this cycle before it spiralled.

Inactivity is the viper that poisons my mind with negativity and cause me to retreat into myself. Breaking this cycle of nothingness is where I can begin to build traction in a positive direction. This means bootstrapping into activities even if I don’t feel like it. Overtime, this engagement will downsize my negative thoughts and give my thoughts new things to play with. Behavioural activation is most impactful when the activities I partake in are meaningful to me. This means aligning with my values and goals in different areas of my life: learning, health and fitness, relationships, entertainment, anything really!

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This rut was in part created by the things I gradually stopped doing. Like journaling. It helped me organize my thoughts, connect with my values, and brainstorm ways to get closer to my goals. It held me accountable to march towards them and documenting my progress was rewarding. I don’t know when this habit started to whither away, but I know that strengthening it is where I need to begin. I want to journal at least once a day, even if it’s just a scribbling a one line intention for the day or three daily gratitudes to anchor my mind.

Habit stacking is a tool to build on existing habits. Stacking on negative habits sends me into a downward spiral: getting out of bed late, reaching for my phone, having negative thoughts, doom-scrolling, guilt… It’s a vicious cycle. But stacking on positive habits empowers me to conquer the day even when I don’t feel buoyant. The key to helping a habit stick is by making it obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. So I want make my bed after Fajr, then jump right into reading Quran and journaling. When I see my pretty made bed, it deters me from ruffling up the sheets again and encourages me to turn towards my morning routine instead.

Moving around also helps to dust off unpleasant feelings. My lack of movement has definitely let the dust settle for a bit too long. I want to move around more, whether it’s moving my body or changing my environment. A little bit of fresh air gives me a fresh perspective. The sun shinning outside my window is coaxing me to come out. So I’m going to a goal of spending at least one hour outside, whether it's going for a walk, taking my work to the library, or spending time in the backyard.

Little changes to my routine and being more intentional with my time can help me live a more balanced and fulfilling life. But ultimate peace comes from the remembrance of Allah. When I'm at loss on how to spend my time meaningfully, I want to turn to listening to tafsir, memorizing Quran, or learning more about the deen. My mind has been craving the stimulation of learning something new, so I think this is the perfect opportunity for me to start learning Arabic. I want to dedicate at least 30 minutes a day to this new craft, Insha’Allah. And of course, I want to pick up on sunnah prayers.

"O believers! Seek comfort in patience and prayer. Allah is truly with those who are patient." (Quran, 2:153)

I hope this makes you feel seen if you’re going through a rut as well. Periods of highs and lows come and go and we just have to ride the waves. I hope this helps you navigate a down time too and I’d love to know, what's your favourite anti-rut activity?